TSA

Captain's Log: Day 7

Over the past couple of years, the kids and I have been doing a lot more air travel. Partly because of the Eldest Child starting college, and partly because the Big D means that many of the holidays where I have the kids, we are traveling to either Colorado or Oregon to be with family. We are pretty savvy Southwest Airlines travelers, which means that we are great with packing carry on luggage and stuffing them to the muffin to make sure we have everything we need, but don't have to check bags. However, this means that there is an increase of scrutiny at TSA....

TSA is always an adventure because you never know what you are going to get and even though it is a government agency, EVERY SINGLE AIRPORT is different and EVERY SINGLE person at TSA is different. First of all, I am a TSA pre-approved person. According to the website, all children who are with me and are under the age of 18 should be able to travel with me through the pre-approved line. However, twice now the Youngest Child has been denied such privileges. This past time, it even said TSA on his ticket, but when they scanned his boarding pass, it did not populate the 4 magical numbers that it should have, so they wouldn't let him through. And of course the Middle Child and I stayed with him, because both boys are ginormous and look way older than they actually are, so there is always this fear that they aren't going to believe him when he gives his age and says that he doesn't have a drivers license. So back to the back of the regular TSA line (of which there was none, so it was just silly because we pretty much ended up back at the same guy) we went. I also have not gotten my Real ID because I thought they were going to automatically send that to me when my ID was reissued this past year. But fear not, because I do have a passport card, so I just use that baby when I fly domestically. And I keep it in the magical little envelope that it came in. (This becomes important when we get to this recent trip to Oregon...) I will also say that while I am good at following directions and making sure that all my little items in my carry on bag meet proper requirements, I have frequently been pulled over in line to have my bag searched. There was the "apple" in Hawaii that was actually a ball that the kids were playing with in the water. And the jar of gourmet jelly that I had brought with me as a gift, which was totally solid in the jar, but considered "liquid" to the TSA person. The container of spreadable cheese from Trader Joe's that I was really excited to share with someone who had never had it, that, alas I had to leave behind because apparently you can't travel with cheese because of the nitrites (unless you're going out of Wisconsin - there they just accept the fact that people bring cheese with them....) The 4 oz container of hairspray that I had traveled multiple times with, but for whatever reason the TSA lady pulled me over, pulled it out and told me "this is over the limit, but I can tell you've used it so it's probably under 3 oz now, so you can keep it." It's gotten to be a little bit of a joke because honestly, all of those things (with the exception of maybe the hairspray becuase it was technically over the limit...) are solid, and to a normal person fine to fly with.

So here we are in Portland, Oregon. After traveling through the Oakland (multiple times), Colorado Springs and San Diego airports without issue. Using the bag where I literally unpacked my clothes, repacked my clothes and kept all the little travel sized things in the same bag and had no problems getting through TSA all month long. Here we are at PDX the day after my niece's First Communion and the day of the Middle Child's Confirmation, which we (me, the Middle, the Youngest, my brother and my sis-in-law) are all flying home for. My first mistake is not taking the little protective envelope for my passport card out of my back pocket. This shows a nice little rectangle on my butt, which puts me in the short line for the pat down. I show them that I have a little envelop for my passport in my pocket, but the TSA lady explains to me that she is going to rub me down, and boy does she ever. This is not a general tap, tap, tap, ok you're good, I see the envelope that you just pulled out of the back pocket of your jeans in your hand and it matches the shape and size of the image on the screen. This is like a full on rub down like I am carrying drugs, ammunition and all sorts of scandalous things in my back pocket. Up the inner part of my thigh. Over my butt and back in multiple directions. I know she was doing her job, and doing it correctly, but man. Then comes the bags. The Brother's bag goes through just fine. My SIL's bag - no problem. The boys - again, all fine. And then there's my bag. Which gets the detour of death. And I'm thinking to myself, what the heck do I have in there that would cause such a kerfuffle? I've literally been flying all month. And the boys are rolling their eyes and commenting on how it's always my bag... Sure enough, I apparently have too many little bottles in my gallon sized ziplock bag. This TSA lady is very nice, however, and produces a quart sized bag and tells me that anything that I am able to put in this bag I can take with me, but the rest will have to be sacrificed to the TSA gods. Into the bag goes 98% of the items that I already had in my gallon sized ziplock. I am ready to part with my static guard, hotel lotion bottle and a tiny tube of almost gone toothpaste. But alas, the SIL to the rescue! She comes back over and asks if we can just put those items in one of our other bags. I can see the TSA lady really pondering this whole thing, because we are about to break protocol here. I also almost told her that I would happily put them in another quart sized bag if she would be so kind as to give us another one, but no. What does she do? She hands that WHOLE gallon sized ziplock, which caused all the trouble in the first place, back to my SIL with my remaining items. My SIL takes the offenders, plops it in her bag, and on we go to find ridiculously expensive donuts, coffee and breakfast sandwiches while we recover.

Weather: Mild and sunny.