Peace Out, Uterus

Captain's Log: Day 8

About nine months ago, I was complaining to my therapist about how freaking tired I had been lately, which makes sense because going through a divorce is emotionally exhausting business - which is what I chalked my tiredness up to. She, the lovely angel that she is, agreed with me, but also recommended that maybe asking my doctor for some bloodwork was a good idea, just to make sure all was well in my peri-menopausal body. Low and behold, I was super-duper anemic. Which totally freaked me out. I mean, I eat decently, I take supplements. I was certain that I had some GI bleed and was slowly draining me of my lifeforce, even though I didn't have any GI pain or blood to be found in my poo. (TMI, I know.) THEN I had an epiphany! I had gotten my bloodwork done the day after my period ended. Thus began my deep dive into "can a period make you anemic" research, which you will be interested to know, can cause such an event. If you are a middle-aged woman and anything like me, your periods may have increased in heaviness as you've gotten older. I just chalked this up to "the change", pulled out my ultra sexy, full coverage period undies as back up support to my super plus tampons, and made sure I wore black pants for 3-4 days per month just in case. Luckily for me, I have a rockstar of an OB/Gyn, who has been with me since two days after the Middle Child was born and I developed Bells Palsy - so essentially 18 years.

(Ooh! Let's have a side story! Like back in the 80's/90's when the screen would go all squiggly for a flashback moment: The Middle Child was two days old, and suddenly I was noticing that I was having trouble closing my left eye and my smile seemed a little crooked. I was certain I was having a stroke, so my tiny new human and I went to the ER, where I was told it was likely Bells Palsy and it would resolve on its own over time. I was miserable. My eye was super dry because it wasn't closing all the way, my face was droopy, I was exhausted from just giving birth and having a newborn. We found Dr. Rockstar honestly because she had an appointment available and was about 20 minutes closer to home than my current OB. She took one look at me, told me I probably had preeclampsia - which I did, undiagnosed because my urine never showed protein even though my blood pressure was elevated and no one thought to send me for bloodwork and I didn't think to ask, put me on prednisone and has been in charge of my 'Lady Bit' health ever since. I also recovered nicely from the Bells Palsy and had a completely uneventful third pregnancy despite me being nervous of the preeclampsia resurfacing. Cue the blurry screen to take us back to the original story...) 

So, I email Dr. Rockstar about my anemia woes, and my hunch that it was period related. She, in turn, referred me to get an ultrasound. If you've ever had a child, you will know that the uterine ultrasound requires you to drink a bunch of water beforehand and die slowly holding it while you wait. I felt extra awkward in the waiting room because 1) I was significantly older than most of the women in there 2) I was alone and 3) I wasn't pregnant, even though my poochy tummy looked like maybe I was. The ultrasound tech was a gem, and once she took pictures/measurements of my bladder and uterus, let me pee and then advised me that I have 6-7 fibroids growing in my uterus, and that she was sending the measurements of the three largest ones to Dr. Rockstar. Thus, began my journey to a hysterectomy. Dr. Rockstar told me that there were other options for me, but given my age, the fact that I wasn't planning to have any babies anymore, and that my uterus was actually measuring around the size of someone at the end of the first trimester, that she would rather just cut to the chase and fix everything in one swoop with a hysterectomy. The kicker was that I would get to keep my ovaries too, so no hormone replacement either. I was sold and booked for surgery at the end of January. She also recommended that I start Lupron, which is a monthly injected hormone therapy that is used to lower testosterone or estrogen. My first injection was in November, and holy crap, I think everything that had ever been lining anything in my reproductive system was flushed out of my system with that menses. I also started experiencing hot flashes, which is something that can happen with that treatment. But I reminded myself that it was only for a couple months, and that ultimately it was going to help with my anemia. December was significantly less, and that was the last period that I ever had. 

In January, I threw myself an epic Last Period Party, with the help of the Eldest.  I highly recommend that this becomes a thing for all menopausal women or women who undergo hysterectomies.  This idea actually stemmed from a super cheesy first period video that we were forced to watch in elementary school.  In this video, the daughter comes home from school after officially becoming a woman, and her mother declares that they will go out for ice cream to celebrate.  I always felt that if that was me, I would be totally mortified if my mom announced to everyone that this particular sundae was because of me bleeding and being able to have babies.  However, being able to drink cocktails and celebrating how magnificent women’s bodies truly are once it’s been all said and done IS cause for a party, in my opinion.  At this Last Period Party, we all dressed in red, made fun cocktails and mocktails with names like The Final Flow, Menopause Martini, Cramp Killer Mocktail, and Aunt Flo’s Farewell, played Pin the Pad on the Panties and wrote down either our funniest or most mortifying period stories, which were all shared and the winners getting prizes.  It was an absolute blast, lots of laughs and I really do think that we all start doing this.

As my surgery date got closer, I was told by Dr. Rockstar that there was a high likelihood that there would be a strike affecting the surgical nursing staff, which did end up occurring. Unfortunately for me, this strike lasted longer than anyone was expecting, and by the time my surgery was rescheduled, it was for the end of April. But God always has a plan, and for me, this plan included the fact that Dr. Rockstar was no longer doing regular hysterectomies, rather she was now only doing robotic laparoscopic procedures. I was a little leery of this, but Dr. Rockstar assured me that it was less invasive and the robot has the ability to move 365 degrees, whereas the human hand and other laparoscopic instruments don’t do this. So, on April 28th, my uterus, fallopian tubes and cervix were removed without complication. I have also officially become a firm believer in robotic surgery, because once the anesthesia wore off (the worst part - I hate the anesthesia hangover) I took pain medication for about three days and then it was all about resting for the next three weeks. Luckily for me, my mom and dad came to stay with me while I was recovering. It was such a blessing to have them helping with the house, the kids, feeding me, and giving me permission to binge watch lots and lots of Netflix. It is also why I've been MIA with my writing. Now, all I have to show for it are five tiny little 1/2 inch scars on my abdomen and a much flatter tummy. Let this be my PSA to all 40ish women out there, especially those who are constantly tired and have a change in their flows, to check your iron levels and rule out uterine fibroids. You will be glad you did!

P.S. Seriously, let's make Last Period Parties a thing!!!

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